His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
