Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
