The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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