She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
