Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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