2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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