I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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