I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize