Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize