Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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