Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
