are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
