Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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