He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
