Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
