I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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