Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize