So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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