1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
