i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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