____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
