I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
