i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
