so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
