it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
