I hope mine doesn't look like that
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
