someone threw a dead crab at me
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i would one night stand the shit outta him
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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