So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
