Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize