I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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