So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
