do herpes really smell.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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