Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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