I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
