He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
