Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
