no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
