it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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