omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
