Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
