tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
