Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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