I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
