who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize