Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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