nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
