Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
