i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
