I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
