that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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