Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
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I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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