There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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