I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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