woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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