I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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