This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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