So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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