i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
