The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
