My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
