dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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