so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
