I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
