I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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