I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
