If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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