when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
