I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
