Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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