I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I understand Curling. That high.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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