if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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