i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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