ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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