so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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